Typical.

[source: Deckland]

I think it’s safe to say our generation has earned itself the reputation of being alcoholic, drug-abusing, sluts. Just turn up to any private school party and you’ll see all of the above. What can I say - we like to party.

Alcoholics

Walk down to your local Ascot mansion on any given Saturday night and you’ll find that 90% of the people there are drinking. But not to fear, they’re not drinking to get rid of inhibitions and insecurities. No, they’re drinking to get FUCKED. Watching some girl vomit up what I can only describe as chunky, pink shit and then continue to fist-pump with the best of them - hilarious.

Stoners

If you’re not part of the 90% who are drinking, then you’re probably getting high. Most often found giggling at nothing particularly funny with a pack of rollies, drooped eyes and a cloud of smoke surrounding them; they generally stick to one spot. But listen carefully my friends, these people are the nicest people you’ll ever meet - nine times out of ten anyway.

Drunk Sluts

Pretty self-explanatory. What sort of people are they attracted to? The answer is anything that has a penis and moves. These girls will walk over anyone (sometimes even literally) to get it. Even girls who seem quite nice and wholesome; mix them with alcohol and they suddenly take a turn for the worst. I'll be honest, I'm looking forward to Schoolies next year. I'll be able to witness the worst of those drunken Gold Coast sluts in their natural habitat. (Only 205 more school days.)

Fake Drunks

My personal favourite. Whether you’re laughing at nothing with your friends, punching some fucker in the face or just singing on a pontoon. “Hello world! This is meeee, life should be….FUN FOR EVERYONE!” Your fun night will come to a halt when you see that guy or girl stumbling towards you. They’ll confess their love for you, the boy in the corner and your cat. Making sure their words are slurred to create the illusion that they’re fucked off their face when in reality, they’ve had all but one UDL.

Good luck to future generations, I think we’ve managed set the standard pretty high.

boooooooooooooooooooom.

amy